September 19, 2014 Our answer revealed

Today I am dying inside because I have to call Erin Eaton at Rex to tell her to go ahead and schedule the termination. Even though I knew we could still cancel the appointment, it absolutely killed me just to call and schedule it. Throughout the entire day I did a lot of soul searching and praying, waiting for God to give us the answer. As I scrolled through the internet like I had been doing every single day, I came across a song that I had never heard before. This was an artist that I had never even heard of as well. Somehow it showed up on my ipad and I listened to it. Music speaks to me more than anything else so I listened. The first sentence as well as the chorus spoke volumes to me. I knew we could not terminate this life. 

Little did I know that Michael had received a daily devotion from a friend that he receives every morning that had been tugging on his heart all day as well. When he returned home from work he shared the devotion with me. John 11.4. "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." He didn't read anymore of the devotion. This one line spoke to him. We discussed everything and decided at about 11:00 pm that we would not terminate this life, but leave it in God's hands.

This is a journey that we will embark together. Wherever it leads, at least we know that we struggled greatly, prayed diligently and did not make this decision lightly, and we would travel this journey together.

Sept. 20-Although I had been feeling the baby move for two weeks now, Michael had not felt him at all. We were lying in bed after a night of great sleep, the first one in weeks, now that this burden of decision had been lifted. The baby started moving so much. I grabbed Michael's hand and placed it in the spot I had felt the baby move. It took a while, but I knew the second he felt him. He jumped and asked, "Is that him?" I almost started crying from the instant joy I felt knowing that Michael could finally feel our son. It felt like a reassurance that we had made the right decision.

We were thrilled to share with everyone the decision that we had made. I thought I could even go back to work for a while until the surgery is scheduled. Maybe life will be a little close to normal for a little while.