Sept. 6- I thought I felt the baby today. It felt as if I was going down a hill real fast, like a bubble in the pit of my stomach. I hope that's him, because I haven't felt him at all and I have been worried.
Sept. 10-Our 18 week 3D anatomy ultrasound is scheduled for today. We have been so excited. We couldn't wait to finally see the baby again. We even had a dinner planned with our oldest son, who lives in Raleigh, after the appointment. Everything was going great with the ultrasound. She even said his heart looked great, which is the only thing I thought we had to worry about after the blood test came back normal. After viewing the ultrasound for almost half an hour, I asked the technician why it wasn't in 3D. She stated that it just wasn't cooperating. I didn't really understand what she meant. I just continued to enjoy the black and white view of our little fellow. After an hour, the technician said she was finished. She gave us some pictures and said she would go get the doctor. Michael and I were overjoyed that the baby seemed fine.
Our World Crashes Down
The doctor came in and sat down with a somber face. He stated that he was going to get right to the point. I said, "please do." I thought he was going to say, 'you're having a boy so buckle up.' That's not at all what he said. He stated that they saw something wrong with the baby. I was in shock. What was he talking about? The ultrasound technician hadn't said a word. He stated they saw signs of Spina Bifida. I looked so puzzled I know. He asked if I knew what that was. To tell you the truth, I really didn't. He started saying that the baby has a defect with his spine and there was fluid on his brain. He stated that the baby had clubbed feet, he wasn't moving his legs, and he just kept going on and on. I remember bursting into tears and grabbing Michael's hand as I thought I was going to pass out. They gave me a box of tissues and I didn't know what to do! I remember asking him if he was sure. He said he was 100% sure. If he had any doubt he would send me somewhere else. They brought in another ultrasound technician to look again. They wanted her to see where the lesion was located. They brought in a grief counselor that gave us books and pamphlets. Everything seemed like a dream. I remember the ultrasound technician counting to 5. I didn't know what that meant at the time. The doctor stated that we had to come back tomorrow morning to see Dr. Goodnight because he was the specialist in this area. He said we had 3 options. 1-Terminate, 2-Fetal Surgery, 3-Have the baby and see.
We left the office in such a blur that I don't even know how we got to the car. Michael and I didn't really know what to do, where to go, who to tell or anything! We decided that we had better go on to Justin's apartment because he was waiting for us. We cancelled our dinner plans but we did tell Justin what was going on. Michael drove us to his parents house to tell his Dad. I called my best friend, and teacher assistant, Barbara to tell her that I wouldn't be at school tomorrow and what was going on. Then we came home. I remember crying trying to read the pamphlets we received from the grief counselor. We never ate dinner. We just went to bed to hold each other and cry all night long.
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