December 30, 2014 "One Week Old!"

Dec. 30- Rayden is now 1 week old! He has picked up a little weight. He is now at 5 lbs. 10.8 oz. His head circumference came down a little today as well, 35.5cm. We got the MRI results back today. It showed "massive ventriculomegaly." In other words his ventricles have not decompressed but his head size is down. The doctor reported that there was not a lot of brain tissue to see and he was concerned about his mid-line structure (pituitary gland, hypothalamus, dorsal thalamus, optic nerves, etc.). He stated that some things are suggested to be working fine because he is holding his own body temperature, electrolytes are fine, and his sugar looks good. He is concerned that he may need hormone supplements. He scheduled an eye exam for today because he really doesn't think Rayden has any optic nerves.

Urology ordered a voiding cystourethrogram (VCUG), an x-ray of his bladder and lower urinary tract that uses a special form of x-ray called a fluoroscopy and a contrast material. Fluoroscopy makes it possible to see internal organs in motion. When the bladder is filled with and then emptied of a water-soluble contrast material, the radiologist is able to view and assess the anatomy and function of the bladder and lower urinary tract. A valve mechanism prevents urine from backing up into the kidneys as the bladder gets full. In some children, an abnormality in the valve or the ureters allows urine to flow backwards, a condition called VU reflux. In mild cases urine backs up into the lower ureter. In severe cases it can back up into the kidney. If this happens we will have to catheterize Rayden. The urologist ordered Rayden to be catheterized after he voided one time just to see if he was completely emptying his bladder. I held his legs for the nurse to cath him. She only got a little bit of urine, not even enough to note. I pray I don't have to do this to him. It looks so painful and very hard! When the results from his VCUG came back this afternoon we were all relieved. It showed very little back flow. They do want the nurse to cath him 2 more times through the night just to be doubly sure. 

December 29, 2014 "Checking the shunt"

Dec. 29- Rayden weighs 5 lbs. 7 oz. He continues to lose weight but we don't know how much of that is from losing cerebral spinal fluid (CSF). His head circumference continues to go down. It is now 35.5cm. Michael and I are concerned because his plates are starting to overlap. The top of his head looks like mountain peaks, and I can place two fingers int the indention in the front. We asked if the neurosurgeon could come down and talk to us about it. Gretchen Delametter, CPNP-AC, Dr. Elton's Nurse Practitioner, came. She said he was sick and didn't want to bring anything to the baby. He asked her to check the shunt to make sure it

was on the lowest setting. She brought a metal box

with three circular things in it. (See photo of shunt and programmable tools) She placed the clear plastic piece with the oval hole in it over his scalp where the shunt is placed. Then she inserted the piece with all the numbers on it inside that circular piece. The little triangle started turning. It stopped on 2.5. She stated that it was set on the lowest setting. I didn't understand. If it was already on the lowest setting allowing the fluid to drain slowly, then why are his skull plates overlapping? I told Gretchen it must be draining too fast so just turn it off for a while. She said it didn't work that way. There's no off switch! I don't want him to have to have plate surgery later on. She stated they were concerned about it, but were hopeful that his brain will start to fill up the skull and push his plates back out. The last ultrasound we had of Rayden's head in utero showed he had minimal brain tissue and way too much fluid. They scheduled an MRI of his brain at 9:30 tonight. Please God, allow Rayden to form more brain that will fill up the empty space as the CSF is draining and push his skull plates back out.

I was able to bottle feed Rayden 2 times today. It is such a difficult thing because he hasn't really got all the components down pat yet. He will suck and swallow and then forget to breathe. Today he has gotten a little better. He is pacing himself and remembering to stop and breathe. I am concerned though because I hear congestion sounds about half way through the feed. I hope he is not swallowing the milk into his lungs. The speech therapist suggested he continue to try a bottle 2 times a day.

The occupational therapist came today. She stated that one of his feet is better than the other one. She even stated she might get away with splinting that one instead of casting. That sounds good. Rayden also holds one of his thumbs in a lot so his therapy is to hold Mom and Dad's finger to make it push back out.

We came back to the RMH for the evening to find a sweet surprise from Michael's company. A balloon and beautiful flowers. They sure make our room smell fresh.

December 28, 2014 "Little Peanut"

Dec. 28- Our little Peanut has lost down to 5 lbs. 7 oz. He is now getting his antibiotic, amoxicillin, by feeding tube instead of IV. (That's a little graduation, "hip-hip, hooray!") He is still stooling A LOT! His bottom is now red so they are starting a creme regimen to try to prevent it from getting any worse. I can't believe he has a red bottom at only 5 days of life! Poor little fellow. He had a renal ultrasound of his kidneys and bladder done today. It showed only a tiny bit of back flow and a little dilation. Praise God!! Maybe he won't have to be catheterized!

As you can see although his head circumference is 36cm his skull plates are really starting to show. When I put my hand under his head to pick him up it feels like 50 puzzle pieces moving around. It scares me to pick him up because I think I am going to damage his skull. As long as his plates don't start overlapping we should be fine. They put him on a special bed called a "Z Flow". It is a fluidized positioner that can be micro-contoured to help with shaping his head. He really seems to like it. 

I was able to feed him two bottles today for the first time. Michael got it all on video. He seemed to like it. He took most of the feeding. There was only a little bit left to put in his tube. Rayden has the most beautiful smile. It absolutely melts my heart!

December 26-27, 2014 "Our sweet angel!"

Dec. 26- Our sweet angel lost weight again today. He is down to 5 lbs. 12 oz. We are not able to feed him yet because he needs time to develop the suck, swallow, breathe technique. His head circumference has gone down to 36 cm. We found out that Rayden and I do not have the same blood type. I have O+ and he has A-. Apparently this could lead to jaundice but his bilirubin is 11 so he is good so far. They put him on amoxicillin to help prevent a UTI because Spina Bifida children are prone to them. He is peeing and pooping just fine!! 4 stools in 24 hours so far. They allowed me to change a huge poop today, thanks! They say he is showing no signs of infection due to the rupture of the membranes. I'm so glad he feels better today. He has not needed any pain medicine.

Dec. 27- Rayden is now down to 5 lbs. 9 oz. His head circumference went up to 36.5 cm. His bilirubin went up to 12 but they are still not really concerned about jaundice. The umbilical chord clamp came off today and the nurses saved it for us. The nurse, Jennica, fed him his first bottle of breast milk. She had to show me how to feed a preemie. It is really different! But she got him to drink 5ml. and they only wanted him to drink 7ml. He's an amazing boy! Daddy got it all on video. The doctor said the had bilateral edema. I didn't know what this was so they explained that his spinal fluid is draining into his legs causing swelling. I got concerned about that but they said it was kind of like my ankles. This I understood because they are HUGE!! Propping them up just doesn't seem to help.

I was discharged today. I did not want to leave my baby! Although we were just going 5 minutes away to the Ronald McDonald House, I was so anxious. I cried, smelled Rayden's blanket Jennica gave me, and just wanted to go back. I was hurting so badly from all the walking that I took one of my pain pills and fell asleep on Michael's arm waiting for dinner to be served. They actually had steaks at the RMH! I hadn't had steak in a month! It was great, but all I could think about was getting back to the hospital to be with Rayden. We were only gone long enough to get my prescriptions filled, check into the RMH, and eat dinner, but it felt like an eternity! As soon as we returned the nurses let me hold Rayden WITHOUT the pillow! I cried and cried when they put him in my arms. Finally, I got to hold the baby I had waited for so long. The child I had carried for 7 1/2 months, 3 of which were on bed rest. I can't explain what joy filled my heart to have him in my arms. Yes, I had held him on a pillow but that's not the same as actually having him in my arms. He was so little and delicate. When he looked into my eyes I know he knew I was his Momma. I believe he could feel my heart beat and he seemed to understand my voice. What a wonderful experience. Alex was having a fit for Rayden to have a hat on his head. Santa brought him this brown and white striped hat so we brought it back for him to wear. It looked so adorable on his head.

I see you Momma!

December 25, 2014 "Day 2 of life"

Today is Christmas Day. We are so very thankful for Jesus, God's precious gift to the world, and can't help but think that Rayden is somehow a Christmas miracle as well. Today he has lost a little weight. He's down to 6 lbs. 0.5 oz. His head circumference has gone down also, 38 cm. He seems to be in pain because he cries out with the most pitiful face anyone has ever seen. The nurse said he must have a headache from the surgery and gave him some tylenol. The doctor didn't seem to like that and switched him to fentanyl for pain instead. They said they thought it was intracraneal pressure causing the pain. The nurse had to put in a gavage feeding tube. Before she could get it taped down Rayden had pulled it out!! He didn't like that thing at all! She had to do it again, so this time I held his hands until she was finished. He coughed and sneezed while she put it up his nose. The bandage on his head came off so we could see the stitches real well. He had a shaven spot over his right ear with a c shaped incision. It seemed to look great. The shunt looked like a pinky finger under his skin. I pray it works well, he is out of pain, and continues to heal nicely.

The nurse helped me get Rayden's footprint in his baby book. He had a bandage on the other one from the 

heal sticks for jaundice, etc. When she removed the bandage it kept bleeding and bleeding so we couldn't get the other footprint today. Besides, his little hand is still bandaged up and we couldn't get his hand prints anyway. Justin and Alex came to spend Christmas with us. Although we couldn't all be in the same room, having all my family in one place just made the day seem so special. Michael and the boys gave me the most beautiful earrings with Rayden's birthstone in them (blue topaz). I love them. I was able to hold Rayden on a pillow again today. What a great Christmas present.

Unfortunately he has started having poopy diapers. I changed three today myself! I know this is part of his Spina Bifida but I'm praying this doesn't last. At 11:00 pm the nurse did his care time again. He had lost weight again, 6 lbs. 0 oz. His head circumference had gone down another cm as well, 37cm. We are so thankful that it is going down so well. It seems like the shunt is working wonderfully. We pray that it continues to improve his head size and drain the fluid off at the correct speed. The last thing we want is for his skull plates to overlap. To end this day we had a visit from some dear friends, the Core family. It really touched our hearts that they were willing to take time out of their holiday to visit with us. Most people wouldn't dare drive 1 1/2 hours to a hospital on Christmas Day, but this family did and it meant the world to us.

December 24, 2014 "Surgery #2-Shunt placement"

Dec. 23- Rayden was born by C-Section. He weighed 6 lbs. 3.5 oz. (Thanks to LCC for their wonderful cooking). 18.5 inches long. 40 cm head circumference. He does not need any help with breathing. He is under a low warmer, and received an IV in his leg for fluids. They did an ultrasound of his head to look at the ventricles. I wanted so badly to hold him but they had to keep his head stable so they wouldn't let me. I was crushed! Neurosurgery came late in the afternoon for us to consent for Rayden's shunt surgery in the morning. I am so frightened for him. I know he has had surgery before (on his back in utero) but I was with him. I know it sounds funny, but I feel as if I was there protecting him somehow. This time he will be all alone. Please God, stand by him and hold his little hand. Guide the surgeons hands and protect our precious miracle.

Dec. 24- Christmas Eve- Rayden received a bath with the special soap this morning. He went into surgery at 8:00 am. We were praying for him constantly. When the

nerosurgeans came to let us know he was out of surgery I wanted to go see him right away. Dr. Elton had stated previously that he may come out of surgery with his breathing tube, but he was doing so well they actually took it out! He did have two IV's now though (arm and leg). He is maintaining his own body temperature without the warmer. When Michael

wheeled me up to see him I could hardly wait. His head circumference had already gone down from 40cm to 39cm. We saw a difference in his eyes right away. Yesterday they almost seemed sunken in from the bulge of his forehead. Now they are not. He also had the surgeons initial written on his head with a sharpie marker. I'm not exactly sure why. He had a bandage over his shunt incision and another over his abdomen incision. Dr. Elton also took the stitches out of his back closure while he was in surgery. The nurses are wonderful. They encourage parents to get involved with the babies care right away. They allowed me to feed him some of my breast milk with a Q-tip twice. He licked his little lips and seemed to enjoy the taste. I also got to take his temperature, and change his diaper twice. The most rewarding and exciting part of the day came when Dr. Elton cleared Rayden to be held by his parents. He did stipulate that he remain on a pillow at a 20 degree incline though. But when they put him on that pillow in my arms I just cried and cried. This was our precious gift from God. We had waited so long to hold and squeeze him. I just couldn't contain myself. I got him just as close to me as the nurse would allow. I reached down and kissed him and my tears dripped on his little head. We are so in love with him and in awe of God's miracle power. 

December 23, 2014 "Rayden's Birthday"

It's time to meet Rayden. I love this song and I wonder if Rayden and God had this conversation... Listen carefully to the words.  Mom, by Garth Brooks

Michael and I have been at UNC Chapel Hill hospital for 3 full weeks now. Although Rayden is only 33 weeks gestation we are very excited to meet him and begin a new journey. I know he will be small. Dr. Goodnight seems to think he will only weigh around 4 lbs. My nurse, Eboni, came to wake me at 6:00am. She told me to get a shower with the special soap. We were number 4 in the OR for today but now we have been bumped up to number 1! We would be going to the fourth floor at 7:30. Michael and I frantically started calling our family members so they could arrive in time. Nanny, Papa, and Alex arrived just as they came in to tell me it was time to go. I started to get upset because Justin hadn't gotten there yet. She said we couldn't wait. Just as we got off the elevator to the fourth floor there he stood. I was so relieved.

I'm so frightened but it helps to know that my family is right here to support me. We are ready to welcome a new member into the Bradley family. He has a welcoming committee in the waiting room-Linda and Glenn Bradley, Justin and Alex Bradley, Jeff and Jane Strickland, Jan and Alan Hartness, Carl, Patsy, and Pamela Lee, Debbie Jones, and Gerome Heath. I kissed my boys goodbye and started to walk to the OR. I was so afraid to be awake during the c-section. Although they said I couldn't feel anything, I KNEW they were cutting me wide open. The OR was very small. There were only two nurses and two anesthesiologists to begin the procedure. As they were counting their scissors, etc. I began to get real scared. I felt alone. Michael was back in the room getting on his "costume" and I was sitting on the edge of the bed holding a pillow waiting for them to start the spinal block. I just burst out in tears. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be cut. I was afraid of what might happen to Rayden. I just couldn't hold it back any longer. The nurse came over and started rubbing my arms and reassuring me that I would be alright as they started placing the spinal block in my back. Yes, this time it did hurt! I think she pocked me three times!

After they got everything set up and the curtain was over my chest Dr. Casey arrived. I was looking everywhere for Michael and finally he came in. He sat right beside me and held my hand the whole time. The anesthesiologist wiped my tears and rubbed my head. He kept talking about Justin and Alex, and Betsy Johnson Hospital just to keep my mind off of things. It really didn't work but I appreciate him trying. Soon they told me it was going to feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest. It actually felt like they pulled every single thing out of my body. At 9:14am I lost my breath and Dr. Casey passed Rayden to the NCCC people. He had arrived! He wasn't crying and we couldn't see him. Soon we heard a little whimper. Rayden weighed 6lbs. 3.5 oz. and was 18.5 inches long. Dr. Andrew Heling held him up for us to see. They allowed Michael to take a picture of him and then they went back to work. Michael sent the picture to Justin and Alex to show everyone in the waiting room and I started crying. I was upset because I didn't get to see him real good so Michael asked if the doctor would let me see him again. He held him

just close enough for me to touch his little hand and then he took him out of the OR. Michael continued to talk to me as they closed me up. I just wanted to see my baby and hold him. Soon we returned to recovery. I had to wait there until I could feel my legs a little then they moved me back to my room on the 3rd floor. I just wanted so badly to see Rayden. Yes, I was in pain, but I just had to make sure he was alright. The nurses wouldn't let me leave until I could stand up and make it to the wheelchair. At 2:00pm I finally got the strength enough to get out of the bed and go see him. Michael wheeled me up to the NCCC. We had to see him together! He was perfect!! Yes, he had a large head, 40cm head circumference, and two clubbed feet. He had an IV in his leg, a blood pressure cuff, a couple of wires that picked up his heart rate, pulse oxygen and respiration and was under a warmer. He didn't need any help with his breathing or anything else. We are so very thankful! He is such a fighter. They wouldn't let us pick him up or hold him. They had to keep his head elevated and still. Michael wheeled me as close to his isolet as possible. We just sat there in awe of how perfect he was. When he looked into my eyes my heart just melted. How wonderful it feels to become a Mom. I'm so very blessed to have felt this true miracle three times in my life. Thank you God for helping us all through this and sending Rayden to us. Thank you for trusting us with his life. We will do our very best to protect him and raise him right.

December 19, 2014 "Our entire world is crashing down!"

Dec. 18-I can't even begin to say how I feel right now. Dr. Elton, the neurosurgeon, just left. He says that although we are 32 weeks gestation Rayden's head size is now as big as a 42 week baby. That's bigger than full term! He is extremely concerned about his skull collapsing on his brain which is a huge problem. He stated he wanted to take Rayden as early as next week and put in a programmable shunt so he can relieve the pressure slowly. That way the skull plates would close back up slowly and hopefully not overlap or collapse. That would be a HUGE surgery. He's not sure if he will have to do the shunt surgery the day of the c-section or if he can wait until the following day. They will more than likely leave in the breathing tube after surgery as well. What really upsets us the most though is that he can't guarantee brain development. He said he knows there is brain there but he doesn't even know how much!!! He says the fluid has been compressing his brain against his skull and we will just have to see if his brain will fill back up his head or not! WHAT??!! Oh God, isn't it miracle time yet?

Dec. 19-I didn't sleep very well at all. I cried and prayed all night. I actually curled up with Michael on the sofa in here just to calm down some. Dr. Casey came in this morning and said that they are going to give me 2 more steroid shots this weekend and probably take Rayden on Monday or Tuesday. He would let me know exactly which day this afternoon. He said he has been in an email chain with Dr. Goodnight and Dr. Elton and they would make a decision today. So much for waiting until the 30th... Please pray for Rayden. I'm so afraid.

If you would like to help support Rayden's you can order a t-shirt from www.booster.com/raydensreason. We had to redesign it.

December 18, 2014 "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas"

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas! 

Santa and a few of his elves from the UNC Volunteer Association came to see us. They brought a therapy dog as well. One of them played the guitar as they all sang a Christmas carol to us. Santa gave us a teddy bear with a blue hat and scarf for Rayden.

Thanks Deneice and Jason for the Christmas tree with blue lights and the decorative penguin.  Thanks Nanny and Papa Strickland for the piano playing Santa. Our room is the most festive according to everyone who comes in... 

Two beautiful ornaments to celebrate Rayden's arrival and first Christmas. Thanks Elizabeth, Brenda and Michael.

                                                   

December 17, 2014 "Not again!"

Today one of the MFM (maternal fetal medicine) doctors did another ultrasound to see Rayden's ventricle sizes. She said his head was already larger than a full term baby's. Although his ventricle sizes were the same at 45mm and 35mm, she stated that they are excessively large and his head was lemon shaped. She showed us that she could only see minimal brain tissue around all that fluid. I responded by saying that once the shunt was placed it will be fine. She said "that remains to be seen." That CRUSHED me! I have never even let it enter my brain that Rayden may have brain damage. So I just keep telling myself over and over that she's NOT the brain surgeon. She tried to console Michael and me by holding my hand and saying, "I know this must be hard." I just wanted her to stop talking. When Michael wheeled me back upstairs he continuously told me not to let her comments get to me. But it is so hard. Holly told Maya about me being so upset so she came by and said she is going to ask Dr. Elton, the neurosurgeon, to come by and talk to us. I am trying to stay positive. I am trying to not get bogged down with negative thoughts. There's nothing we can do now anyway. I was sure by now that God would have reached down and stepped in and saved the day. God, please perform a miracle now and allow Rayden to have normal brain function, to beat the odds, to rewrite the book... "Though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm."

December 12, 2014 "Just hangin' out"

Dec. 10-Michael kidnapped me! He told the nurses we were going on a date. They thought it was so cute. He took me on a wheelchair ride down stairs. We went to Starbucks but I'm not a coffee drinker so I didn't want anything. We admired all the trees and went 'shopping' in the gift shop and the little drug store. We even went upstairs to see the Ronald McDonald Family Room. It was so good to get out. When we returned he told the lady he was "returning an unruly patient." They said they didn't want me back, haha! I really enjoyed our little 'date'.

Dec. 11-We had a visit from Barbara and Carmen tonight. It was so good to see them. They always make me smile. Barbara even brought my favorite toenail polish and painted my toes. Isn't she precious? They brought me some wonderful cards created from my 1st grade students. They are so sweet to think of me. They even brought us some flowers in a santa vase. So festive. 

Gretchin, who works for Dr. Elton the neurosurgeon, came in to talk to us about Rayden. She said they have been watching the baby's ventricles and are prepared to care for him when he's born. I mentioned that his vents were 43 and 35 thinking in the back of my mind that she would say 'Yes, but that's really not that bad.' But I was wrong. She actually replied in a calming voice, "Yes, they are huge." She also told us different things they could do to stabilize Rayden immediately instead of rushing him back to surgery. That was very interesting.

When everyone left Michael and I went back down stairs because the nurses told us there were some venders selling things. Of course, we didn't buy anything but it was fun just to get out of this room.









Dec. 12-Linda and Glenn brought our baby up here! He is finally finished with exams! We were so happy to see him. He even curled up in the bed with me to work on some shirts we are designing as a fund raiser for Rayden. Here is the link to the T-shirts to help support Rayden's medical cost. You can order a shirt or just donate using this website. 

https://www.booster.com/raydensreason

December 10, 2014 "So far so good"

Thursday, Dec. 4- Day 2-They moved us to a room with a view of the front of the hospital and a sofa for Michael to sleep better. The other room had a view of the side of the building and a pull out chair. I'm happy to report that all seems to be as stable as possible for now. We had a bad scare Friday afternoon, Dec. 5, when I started gushing fluid again, but even that has slowed down now. I'm still bleeding but they say it's alright. I've been poked a million times, but I don't mind.

The highlight of my day is when they put Rayden on the monitor so we can hear his heartbeat and watch for any contractions. I'm still on a LOT of antibiotics and medication but they did take the 3rd IV out. It's hard to sleep when they keep coming in to check on you, but it's getting better.

Michael hooked up the PS3 so we can watch Netflix. Hey, we gotta do something! He's been such a rock for me. I don't know what I would do without him here supporting me.

Michaels parents have been able to stay at the Ronald McDonald House. They say it is really nice there. They have brought me something from there everyday. (Socks, candy canes, flowers, cookies) I'm so thankful for their support as well.


Tuesday, Dec. 9- Day 7-I wasn't feeling good at all. I had a lot of stomach pain and nausea. Of course I started thinking this was labor and made it worse. They put me on the monitor and it showed no contractions. Dr. Casey came in and did another ultrasound (#16). He pointed out that Rayden is practicing breathing very well. He actually said he doesn't normally see that in babies this young. I'm so glad. He also showed us that Rayden had moved side to side. He is no longer butt down. Dr. Casey called it 'hammock style'. Maybe that's why I was hurting. Now that there is little to no fluid inside my uterus every time he moves it feels like someone is stretching my skin. I can't imagine how Rayden feels in there. I keep imagining him inside a sack with no air.

We've had a visitor just about every day and I can't begin to tell you how much that means to us. It also breaks up the monotony of the day! We appreciate all the phone calls, texts, visits, emails, facebook messages, and especially the prayers.

Thanks Brittany C. for decorating our room with my favorite characters and brightening up our day. Sweet little Jackson occupied our minds for a little while.

Wednesday, Dec. 10-Day 8- We are now officially 31 weeks! We have been here for a full week. Although it is boring, I pray we can stay just like this another 3 weeks.

December 5, 2014 "30 Week Ultrasound"

December 4th- What a long day!! At least I was able to sleep about 5 hours last night. Today Michael and I just sat around watching TV, and working on my blog. I'm so hot and he's freezing. It's normally the other way around, but its because of the steroid shots I've been taking. The food is actually pretty good here. The nurses have been wonderful. They come in and place the fetal monitor on my belly for about 30 min. twice a day. It is great to hear that he is doing alright and see that we are not having contractions. I also receive intravenous antibiotics every 6 hours along with my other medication. The doctors say that the goal of 34 weeks is because beyond that we run a high risk of infection and of course that's just not worth the risk to either of us. Besides, by that point he will have everything he needs to continue to develop in the NICU. So our prayer now is that we can go to Dec. 30, which is 34 weeks. The bleeding has slowed down a lot as well so hopefully we can just hang out! Maya has come to visit several times now. She is such a wonderful person and great resource to

help us through all of this. Holly, the lady who had fetal surgery the same day as me, came to visit as well. She is here until delivery too. It is good to have someone to go through this with. She was a valuable resource for me on Tuesday night when I was panicking because I couldn't get in touch with Dr. Goodnight. We got a beautiful bouquet of flowers today from my husbands company, Piedmont Natural Gas.

December 5th- Today we had our 15th ultrasound. Although my water broke on Tuesday the technician found two pockets of fluid measuring about 6 cm. That's really good news. She says he now weighs 4lbs 9 oz. That's even better news! Of course, he is still Frank Breech with both feet above his head. The only bad news we received was his ventricle sizes went up again. His right vent grew from 35mm to 43mm. His left vent grew from 25mm to 30mm. We are still waiting to speak with the NICU doctors and Dr. Elton about the shunt surgery.

We had a wonderful little visitor this morning. Becca Powell brought her son to see us. She is a remarkable mother of a spina bifida child, Huck. I have been speaking with her since before our fetal surgery. It was wonderful to finally meet her but especially little Huck. Although he was born at 29 weeks, he is perfect! Just what Michael and I needed today. He was walking around, kissing his mom, smiling, playing, and waving goodbye. Just absolutely adorable. It was so encouraging to us both. She brought us a sweet package of goodies including some premie clothes for Rayden.

December 2, 2014 "OH NO!!!!"

Well, things got a little rocky today. I had some lower abdominal pain about 11:00 am. I was unsure of what to make of it. I was able to breathe through it and it only lasted about 20 min. So I recorded it in my brain and went on throughout my day. Around 3:30 it happened again, but this time it was a bit stronger. So much so that I had tears in my eyes. This time I called Dr. Goodnight. He said without any bleeding or water leakage he really couldn't explain it. So, here again, I just recorded this away and went on. Michael came home as soon as I told him of the second pain attack so I was relieved that he was there just in case. Our friend, Angie Parker RN, came to visit around 5:00 pm. We ate a little dinner and were just visiting when all of a sudden I felt something leaking. When I stood up to go to the bathroom to check it out it just gushed everywhere. I placed my hand between my legs and my hand was immediately covered in BLOOD! I yelled, "Michael, I'm bleeding!" He and Angie came running! There was so much blood!! Angie called the hospital while Michael tried to get me cleaned up to go. We waited for the hospital to call us back for about 30 min. I gushed two more times before we just decided to leave about 7. We thought we were headed to UNC Chapel Hill. When we got in the car we noticed we didn't have enough gas to get there so we stopped to fuel up. In the car, Angie and I decided it might be best to go to Betsy Johnson Hospital to make sure this was not life threatening before we traveled 1 1/2 hours down the road.

Betsy Johnson rushed us straight upstairs to Labor and Delivery to get checked out. It took hours to get a transport to UNC because they had to do an ultrasound (#13), blood work, monitor baby, give me steroid shots, start an IV, give me fluids, etc. I was having small contractions about 16-24 min. apart. The nurses were so nice; always trying to calm me down. I just kept saying over and over that I HAD to get to Chapel Hill, and somebody call Dr. Goodnight! The doctor on call didn't seem to like that very well. He was actually a little rude telling me he could do the C-section there and transport the baby away. He also said that I should have went to Chapel Hill to start with if that's where I wanted to go. Attitude!! After they spoke with UNC he came back and decided to ambulance transport us to UNC about 11:00 pm. I'm so thankful that Angie was there with us. She kept us calm and called others to inform them of the situation. I have to believe that God placed her there at that particular time on purpose.

The ambulance ride seemed to take forever but we made it. The ambulance fellow was so great keeping me entertained and calm during the ride. Just about the time they got me in a bed at UNC I felt another gush. When they looked to see what it was they decided it might be amniotic fluid. I was so upset. Of course, they tested it, and did an exam. It was confirmed fluid and I am dilated 1cm. The tears started flowing again. I just kept saying over and over "It's too early! Get Dr. Goodnight!" Finally someone did call him but the funny thing is my contractions had stopped!! So they started me on some intravenous antibiotics and did another ultrasound (#14). There is only a small amount of fluid left inside! They say that as long as I am not contracting then we can just sit and wait. What a long night!! I didn't sleep a wink.

December 3, 2014-Dr. Goodnight came in about 9:30 am. He stated that the pain and blood I was having yesterday must have been the membrane separating from the uterus. This apparently happens sometimes due to the fetal surgery. I've also been told over and over that the NICU is full and they would have to send Rayden somewhere else. Dr. Goodnight quickly and adamantly stated that he would NOT be going anywhere!!! This was such a relief! He also stated that as long as I am not contracting and the bleeding slows down our new goal is 34 weeks. I am now 30 weeks. Problem is, I cannot leave the hospital! We spoke about emergency C-section procedures and epidural C-section procedures.

I have been in Labor and Delivery on the 4th floor, but tonight they moved me to the 3rd floor. This is more of an observation floor. Although the rooms are a lot smaller, they do have much more comfortable beds.

I am really scared and worried about being strong enough to do this! God, please help me to be strong enough to handle this. I know I don't have to though, because He is strong when I am weak. Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." A friend of mine, Holly Pope, recently directed me to a song that has been playing over and over in my head today. Strong Enough by Matthew West. It is now my new motto.

November 26, 2014 "I saw God today"

"I saw God today." A comment I've heard spoken from so many people. They say this in reference to a newborn child, the beauty of nature, etc. The fingerprints of God. Well, today I saw it in the face of a 10 year old little girl. Someone I've never met, seen before, or even heard of. She wanted to do something special to commemorate her tenth birthday. Most children have a party, celebration, sleep over, etc. But not Molly Barefoot. She listened to the voice of God speaking to her. She told her parents she wanted to raise money for Rayden's family. Someone she didn't know! She organized a fund raiser at her school, Erwin Elementary. "A Penny War for Rayden." They raised $456 in change!! When she went to the bank to exchange for cash, someone at the change machine asked her why she had so much. She shared Rayden's story and they donated as well, even though they seemed to be in need themselves. She had two friends spend the night with her. They went to You Define Art in Smithfield to paint a cross to present to us as well. When she shared Rayden's story with them they donated the cross. It's just so amazing when I sit and think of how many lives this story has touched through the obedience of one 10 year old little girl. All the children at her school, the person at the bank, the owners of the paint shop, and I'm sure these people told their families, etc. When it was all said and done, Molly had raised $500 for Rayden.

Molly's family came over to present us with the donation and the cross. I just couldn't believe it! I am so proud of her willingness to be obedient to God and in awe at the selfLESSness of a 10 year old little girl!! God is still working in our lives and I, like so many now, can't wait to see Rayden's reason for being here. What is his purpose? I can already see that God is using him and he's not even born yet! I hope this story will inspire others to turn to Him, and be obedient to His call.

The scripture reference at the bottom of the cross is Jeremiah 1:5. Although I have heard this scripture, and read this story numerous times in my life, it has new meaning today. Reading even further in the scripture God is telling Jeremiah, even though he is a child, to do as He commands. This seems to speak reference to Molly being obedient to God's call. (At least it does for me anyway.)