January 11, 2015 "Don't worry about tomorrow"

Jan. 11- We didn't sleep a wink last night worrying about Rayden. I prayed for God to heal him and bring him back to his bright, alert little self. I can't stand to see him like that. We had decided that Michael could go back to work on Monday, but with this set back we are just not so sure. Michael doesn't want to leave him unstable. We arrived this morning to find that Rayden was taken off the oxygen! Praise God! He is alert and ready to eat! My God is AWESOME!!! Now he has two scars on his head instead of one but I'm sure they will look better soon.

He still has an IV and feeding tube but they did let me start feeding him again. It felt so good to hold him again. He seems to be back to his old self, Praise God!

One of the doctors said she heard a small heart murmur this morning. She said she was going to get a second opinion. I don't understand. The ultrasound technicians always said he had a strong heart. Where did this come from, and why hasn't anyone ever said anything about it? God, please don't let this turn into anything. Rayden is already having to overcome so much.

Thanks to my great friend, Adina, we got some Fanny Cream for Rayden's bottom. We started using this today at his care times and his bottom started looking better by the evening.

My heart was so torn this afternoon. Since Rayden is stable Michael needs to go back to work. He has been with me since Dec. 2. We are so thankful that his job is so understanding and his coworkers are so supportive. Although I knew Michael would be back in 5 days, it broke my heart to see him tell Rayden goodbye. I could not contain my tears. I knew he needed to go back to work, but I wanted him to stay here with us. He didn't want to go either. Watching him drive away was extremely hard. I stayed at the Ronald McDonald house the remainder of the evening washing clothes, pumping, and crying. I felt so alone...